BENNY MABEZA ON TEST BROADCAST - Lagay ng Panahon

Lagay ng Panahon

ONE YEAR OF BLOGGING

1st December 2011, Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam. It’s been a year now, since I posted my first blog and I am very delighted to see that my blogs have found the interest of viewers from nearly all over the globe! From Africa, Asia, Australia, Europe, and the North America. I am now looking forward to have some readers also from the South America and Antarctica (if there are netizens there).

As I am celebrating the first year anniversary of blogging, I have the flair to share jokes, as I believe a good laugh can make your day. Indeed, laughter is truly a healthy exercise.

Thus, let me share with you some of the jokes I have collected and/or written in my previous Tag-lish Journal, “Ang Buhay nga Naman”, some of which were originally written in Tagalog, and I endeavor to translate them in English for your reading pleasure.

Sayings about Future

There’s this saying in the Philippines: “Ang taong hindi marunong lumingon sa pinang-galingan hindi raw makararating sa paroronan.” Mali, kung wala lang pamasahe. [“One who never looks back from his beginning will never get to his destination”. False, only if you don’t have the money to pay the fare.]

“Samantala, ang taong lumalakad kadalasan ay walang pamasahe”. Hindi bat tama?" [More often than not, one who walks has no money to pay the fare. Is it not correct?]

“Noong student pa lang what he needs is “pamasahe”, now that he has a job, he needs “pa-masahe”. ["When still a student he needs allowance to pay his “fare"; now that with a job, what he need is a "massage".]

Five (5) Ways to get Rich

This is interesting and here the tips:

1. You born with it. - Yes some are very lucky to be born with a golden spoon. But if you didn’t, there is nothing to worry because there are 4 more ways. 

2. You work for it. – This is challenging and rewarding - to reap the fruits of your labor. But if your salary is not that much, why not try the 3 other ways available. 

3. You can marry it. – You can find a spouse, who is rich and old and will die soon. Otherwise, you may try below.

4. You can win it. Yes you can bet in the Lotto and if lucky you could be a millionaire! Just make sure you have the money to bet. And lastly, 

5. You steal it. Only as a last resort but don’t get me wrong, it is not advisable, illegal and punishable by law if you got caught! You may end up in jail, nevertheless, it is full board and lodging plus free massage!

Who has the higher Rank?

For the couple who has the higher rank? Basically it depends in the scope of works assigned and decision-making roles.

Of course it is the Husband who is the “General” - a person of great importance huh? Reason, he is the one making the general decisions – for example, he decides what the main dish for the day or who will wash the dishes thereafter.

What about the Wife? She is just a “Major”! Do you think it is lower in rank? No, because she’s the one who make the major decisions all the time!

Japanese Lesson!

You want more? How do you say it in Japanese? Simple: "Isapane".

Mother's Milk

Breast milk best for babies and for daddies too!

The Fashion Before & the Next Trend

Filipinos are known for being conservative especially in their clothing. In the early days, Filipinas were conservatively clothed and their skirts’ length are up to their heels (floor length)! At that time, it would be indecent showing the legs in public. Thus everything is covered and not much skin can be seen. It would not be even right for a boyfriend to see the legs of his girlfriend; otherwise he would be held responsible.

But as the time passed by, the practice has changed, as well as the fashion. The trend was that, little by little, the length of the female skirts have been shortened. Initially, the skirts were tailored below the knee, called the "maxi". Later on, it was shortened just by the knee and called "midi". The boys liven up, I mean delighted with the developments.

As the years go by, the skirts’ length was shortened further and the fashion was called "mini", which is already above the knee, the “mini” turned to "mini-mini", and then "micro-mini". Finally, the most awaited, the "bikini" was accepted.

And you know my friends, what would be the next trend this millennium? It is simpler since there will be no more bikinis just "ini” [just it, nothing else]! So watch out closely….. LOL!

In the Accounting profession, I think it is called “Adequate Disclosure”.

Which style of skirt’s slit catches attention?

What is the meaning when the slit of the woman’s skirt is in the back? "Hey, Man follow me."

What if the slit of the skirt is on the side? "Hey, Man please escort me."

Finally, what about if the slit of the skirt is in the front? "Hey Man grab me!"

Answering Machines

The following are pretty unique recorded automatic telephone replies, in real life. 

"My wife and I cannot come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.”

"Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a "sexy" message, I'll call sooner!"

Consent is Vital

I remember this story about a law professor defining "Rape" case during a criminal law subject, under the laws of the Philippines.

"If a man had sex with a woman who is a minor with or without her consent it is Rape! 

Also, if a man had sex with a woman who is of a major age without her consent it is Rape!

However, if a man had sex with a woman who is of a major age with her Consent then it’s ‘Merry Christmas’. It feels good to do it again!

It is better to give than to receive

Yes, a few sleeps and it’s Christmas again. It is the time to give love and presents, and surely it is better to give than to receive.

The rule, however, does not apply in the military. Because if it does “You’re dead! Nonetheless, in the spirit of Christmas there is always a cease-fire during the Yuletide period. 

Traditionally, Christmas for Filipinos is a family event. During this time, relatives visit each other and for sure many are expecting Christmas gifts, especially from those who arrive from abroad. Well it is OK since it only occurs once a year.

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas and a Prosperous New Year!

BLMabeza is fond of reading and sharing jokes.