Ang Buhay nga Naman (Re-written)

 

Ang Buhay nga Naman (Re-written)

Just a few thoughts, jokes, and random musings.

You know, I’ve always loved sharing a good joke. I truly believe a solid laugh can completely turn your day around. Laughter really is the best exercise! I was looking through my old Tag-lish journal, Ang Buhay nga Naman, and found a bunch of jokes I wrote and collected back then. Some were originally in Tagalog, so I did my best to translate them into English so everyone can enjoy them.

A Quick Reality Check on "The Future"

We have a famous saying in the Philippines: “Ang taong hindi marunong lumingon sa pinanggalingan, hindi makararating sa paroroonan.” Basically, it means if you don’t look back at where you came from, you’ll never reach your destination.

But honestly? That’s not true. The only reason you won't reach your destination is if you don't have money for the fare! Because let’s face it: “Ang taong lumalakad, kadalasan ay walang pamasahe.” (The person walking usually just can't afford the bus ride). Am I right or am I right?

It's funny how our needs change, too. When you’re a student, all you care about is getting your pamasahe (fare). But once you finally get a job? All you really want is a good pa-massage!

5 Ways to Get Loaded

If you're trying to figure out how to get rich, there are pretty much only five ways to do it:

1. Be born into it. Some people are just lucky enough to be born with a golden spoon in their mouth. If that wasn't you, don't sweat it—we still have four more options.
2. Work your butt off. This one is tough, but it’s definitely rewarding to enjoy the fruits of your own labor. That said, if your salary is a joke, you might want to look at the next three.
3. Marry into money. Find a wealthy spouse. Bonus points if they’re really old and on their way out. Too dark? Moving on...
4. Win the lottery. Hey, it could happen! If luck hits, you’re an instant millionaire. Just make sure you actually have the cash to buy the ticket first.
5. Steal it. Look, this is a total last resort and I am definitely not recommending it. It’s illegal, stupid, and you will go to jail if you get caught. But hey, look on the bright side—free room and board, plus a daily "massage" from the guards!

Who’s the Real Boss at Home?

Have you ever wondered who actually holds the higher rank in a marriage? It all comes down to who handles what.

Naturally, the husband is the "General." Sounds powerful, right? He gets that title because he makes all the general decisions—like what’s for dinner, or who is going to do the dishes after.

The wife, on the other hand, is just a "Major." If you think that’s a step down, think again. She's the one making the major decisions all day, every day!

A 2-Second Japanese Lesson

Want to learn a little Japanese? It’s super easy.
How do you say "One more time" or "Give me another one" in Japanese?
"Isapane." (Get it? Isa pa, neh?)

Mother’s Milk

They always say breast milk is the absolute best thing for babies... and honestly, daddies seem to love it too!

How Fashion Changed Over the Years

Filipinos have always been known for being pretty conservative, especially with clothes. Back in the day, women wore skirts that went all the way down to their heels. Showing your legs in public was a massive no-no. Everything was covered up. In fact, a guy wasn't even supposed to see his girlfriend’s legs—if he did, he was basically locked into marrying her!

But as time went on, things changed, and those hemlines started creeping up:

• First came the "Maxi" skirt, which sat just below the knee.
• Then it hit the knee, and they called it the "Midi." (The guys definitely started paying attention here).
• As the years rolled by, it went above the knee with the "Mini," then the "Mini-Mini," and finally the "Micro-Mini."
• Eventually, the world welcomed the "Bikini."

So, what do you think is next for this millennium? It’s actually getting a lot simpler. There won’t be any bikinis left—just "Ini" (Tagalog for "This is it"—meaning totally naked)! So keep your eyes open.

In accounting, I think they call that "Adequate Disclosure."

The Secret Language of Skirt Slits

Did you know a skirt's slit says a lot about what a woman wants?

• If the slit is in the back, she’s saying: "Hey man, follow me."
• If the slit is on the side, she’s saying: "Hey man, walk with me."
• If the slit is in the front, she’s saying: "Hey man... catch me!"

Hilarious Answering Machine Messages

These are actual automated responses people have left on their real-life answering machines:

• "My wife and I can't come to the phone right now. But if you leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished."
• "Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you back soon. If you leave a 'sexy' message, I'll call you back even sooner!"

Consent is Everything

I’ll never forget how a criminal law professor defined a "Rape" case under Philippine law.
He said, "If a man has relations with a minor, with or without her consent, that's Rape. If he has relations with an adult woman without her consent, that's also Rape. However, if he has relations with an adult woman WITH her consent... well, then that's 'Merry Christmas!' And it feels so good, you'll want to celebrate it over and over again."

--ooOoo--

I hope you enjoyed reading this and feel free to share it with others.