Ang Buhay nga Naman (Re-written)

 

Ang Buhay nga Naman (Re-written)

Just a few thoughts, jokes, and random musings.

You know, I’ve always loved sharing a good joke. I truly believe a solid laugh can completely turn your day around. Laughter really is the best exercise! I was looking through my old Tag-lish journal, Ang Buhay nga Naman, and found a bunch of jokes I wrote and collected back then. Some were originally in Tagalog, so I did my best to translate them into English so everyone can enjoy them.

A Quick Reality Check on "The Future"

We have a famous saying in the Philippines: “Ang taong hindi marunong lumingon sa pinanggalingan, hindi makararating sa paroroonan.” Basically, it means if you don’t look back at where you came from, you’ll never reach your destination.

But honestly? That’s not true. The only reason you won't reach your destination is if you don't have money for the fare! Because let’s face it: “Ang taong lumalakad, kadalasan ay walang pamasahe.” (The person walking usually just can't afford the bus ride). Am I right or am I right?

It's funny how our needs change, too. When you’re a student, all you care about is getting your pamasahe (fare). But once you finally get a job? All you really want is a good pa-massage!

5 Ways to Get Loaded

If you're trying to figure out how to get rich, there are pretty much only five ways to do it:

1. Be born into it. Some people are just lucky enough to be born with a golden spoon in their mouth. If that wasn't you, don't sweat it—we still have four more options.
2. Work your butt off. This one is tough, but it’s definitely rewarding to enjoy the fruits of your own labor. That said, if your salary is a joke, you might want to look at the next three.
3. Marry into money. Find a wealthy spouse. Bonus points if they’re really old and on their way out. Too dark? Moving on...
4. Win the lottery. Hey, it could happen! If luck hits, you’re an instant millionaire. Just make sure you actually have the cash to buy the ticket first.
5. Steal it. Look, this is a total last resort and I am definitely not recommending it. It’s illegal, stupid, and you will go to jail if you get caught. But hey, look on the bright side—free room and board, plus a daily "massage" from the guards!

Who’s the Real Boss at Home?

Have you ever wondered who actually holds the higher rank in a marriage? It all comes down to who handles what.

Naturally, the husband is the "General." Sounds powerful, right? He gets that title because he makes all the general decisions—like what’s for dinner, or who is going to do the dishes after.

The wife, on the other hand, is just a "Major." If you think that’s a step down, think again. She's the one making the major decisions all day, every day!

A 2-Second Japanese Lesson

Want to learn a little Japanese? It’s super easy.
How do you say "One more time" or "Give me another one" in Japanese?
"Isapane." (Get it? Isa pa, neh?)

Mother’s Milk

They always say breast milk is the absolute best thing for babies... and honestly, daddies seem to love it too!

How Fashion Changed Over the Years

Filipinos have always been known for being pretty conservative, especially with clothes. Back in the day, women wore skirts that went all the way down to their heels. Showing your legs in public was a massive no-no. Everything was covered up. In fact, a guy wasn't even supposed to see his girlfriend’s legs—if he did, he was basically locked into marrying her!

But as time went on, things changed, and those hemlines started creeping up:

• First came the "Maxi" skirt, which sat just below the knee.
• Then it hit the knee, and they called it the "Midi." (The guys definitely started paying attention here).
• As the years rolled by, it went above the knee with the "Mini," then the "Mini-Mini," and finally the "Micro-Mini."
• Eventually, the world welcomed the "Bikini."

So, what do you think is next for this millennium? It’s actually getting a lot simpler. There won’t be any bikinis left—just "Ini" (Tagalog for "This is it"—meaning totally naked)! So keep your eyes open.

In accounting, I think they call that "Adequate Disclosure."

The Secret Language of Skirt Slits

Did you know a skirt's slit says a lot about what a woman wants?

• If the slit is in the back, she’s saying: "Hey man, follow me."
• If the slit is on the side, she’s saying: "Hey man, walk with me."
• If the slit is in the front, she’s saying: "Hey man... catch me!"

Hilarious Answering Machine Messages

These are actual automated responses people have left on their real-life answering machines:

• "My wife and I can't come to the phone right now. But if you leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished."
• "Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you back soon. If you leave a 'sexy' message, I'll call you back even sooner!"

Consent is Everything

I’ll never forget how a criminal law professor defined a "Rape" case under Philippine law.
He said, "If a man has relations with a minor, with or without her consent, that's Rape. If he has relations with an adult woman without her consent, that's also Rape. However, if he has relations with an adult woman WITH her consent... well, then that's 'Merry Christmas!' And it feels so good, you'll want to celebrate it over and over again."

--ooOoo--

I hope you enjoyed reading this and feel free to share it with others.

New Senate Vocabularies

It is a late upload and shared for information of my dear readers.

Here are the new Senate vocabularies, new word with a twist: 

“Forthwith” - meaning four months 

“Escape”- free to walk away

“Itago” - to secure 

“Fugitive” - 6 months leave with pay 

5 Deadly Terms Used By a Woman

3^rd January 2013, Ha Tien, Vietnam. I would like to share the following quotes sourced from the internet, which I found very educational.

1) “Fine” – This is the word women use to end an argument when she knows she is right and you need to shut up.

2) “Nothing” – means “Something” and you need to be worried.

3) “Go Ahead” – this is a dare, not permission, don’t do it.

4) “Whatever” – A women’s way of saying screw you.

5) “That’s Ok” – She is thinking long and hard on how and when you will pay for your mistake.

Bonus Word: “Wow!” – This is not a compliment; she’s amazed that one person could be so stupid.

So guys better watch out!

Thanks to - http://16quotes.com/5-deadly-terms-used-by-a-woman/

SHORT BUT SUFFICE

8^th December 2012, Ha Tien, Vietnam.   Hello my dear readers!  I  have lifted another article from my previous journal “Ang Buhay nga Naman”.

It is Christmas time and I would like to share this one for your reading pleasure.

WHERE YOU BELONG?

In the Philippines we have “Kapuso”, “Kapamilya” or  “Kasama”.

In Vietnam I am looking for my “Katropa”.

NO. 1 OR NO. 2?

Why is it that in all fields someone will always claim to be the Number 1; while nobody would claim to be Number 2?

TEXT MESSAGE

The usual text of the Husband whenever he is on business trips:

 “MA CAN’T GO HOME YET STILL SHOPPING.”

The Wife replies:

“PA COME HOME NOW,  I’M SELLING WHAT YOU'RE SHOPPING.”

The above prompted the Husband to go home immediately. Why so? Guess why.

YOU WANT MORE?

How do you say it in:

Japanese:  “ISAPANE!”

Vietnamese”  “CHO TOI MOT!”

Pilipino: “ISA PA NGA!”

TRUTH ABOUT BREAST MILK

Breast milk best for babies and for daddies too!

PINOY VOCABULARY

I have learned these terms from my research:

Malalim na salita:  Balon, Dagat.

Mabigat na salita:  Bato, Higanti

Masakit na salita:  Aray, Hapdi at Kirot!

NOTICE THIS ONE

You will notice that this notice is nothing to be noticed.  Did you notice?

IT’S NOT EASY TO WRITE SOMETIME

Well it's difficult sometime to think what to write. So in this edition it is short, but promise I write more next time. I hope you enjoyed.

I wish you all a Merry Christmas!

ANG BUHAY NGA NAMAN

I would like to publish this article I wrote in my previous Taglish journal "Ang Buhay Nga Naman" and practice my writing skills sa wikang Pilipino.   

Hi! Magandang araw po mga Kabayan! Ang edition po na ito ay galing sa aking tagalized column dati.

Let’s test your IQ and please try to answer bago mo silipin ang tamang sagot sa dakong hulihan.


T-1 Ano ang pagkakapareho ng isang "Hari" at ng "Meterstick"?

T-2. Ano ang matatagpuan mo sa gitna ng “Australia at America”?

T-3. Ano ang pagkakapareho ng “Island” at ng letter “T”.

T-4. Ano naman ang mga letters na di mo matatagpuan sa Alphabet?

More Questions Pa:

T –  Ano ang pagkaka-iba ng “parachute” at ng “condom”?

S – Ang parachute pag nabutas “PATAY” kang bata ka! Samantala ang condom pag nabutas “BUHAY” kang bata ka!

T – Ano naman ang similarity ng 'Asphalted road' at ng isang 'Babae'?

S – Pareho po silang 'Slippery” when WET! Ay bastos! 

Paano Pauwiin si Mister?  I-text mo!

Meron isang businessman na mahilig mag-extend tuwing may business trip at lagi  na lang may excuses.

The businessman texts his wife: “MOMMY CAN’T COME HOME YET STILL SHOPPING”

And the wife texts back: "DADDY PLS COME BACK AM SELLING WHAT UR SHOPPING”

So uwi agad si Mister. Bakit kaya? Hulaan mo na lang.

Oi! Punta Tayo sa Hanoi!

Alam ninyo ba doon pala sa Hanoi 15% ng mga teenagers sexually active na! At halos 5% daw naman ng mga babaeng teenagers ay nabubuntis bago mag 18! Kaya tinanong ko yong Vietnamese friend ko bakit kaya? Sabi niya  kasi daw malamig sa Hanoi at wala gano magawa. So they just "DO IT"! “Troi Oi!”

Oy maaasign yata ako don soon!

Ang Sagot sa IQ Test
T-1 Pareho silang "RULER".

T-2 Eh di letter “R”.

T-3 Pareho silang nasa gitna ng "WATER".

T-4 Eh yon mga "letters sa Post Office". At saka meron pa pa yong letter para sa mahal ko.

O nakuha mo ba?

Sige hanggang sa muli po at sana nagustuhan ninyo ito. Babalik po ako for more. Pramis!

ONE YEAR OF BLOGGING

1st December 2011, Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam. It’s been a year now, since I posted my first blog and I am very delighted to see that my blogs have found the interest of viewers from nearly all over the globe! From Africa, Asia, Australia, Europe, and the North America. I am now looking forward to have some readers also from the South America and Antarctica (if there are netizens there).

As I am celebrating the first year anniversary of blogging, I have the flair to share jokes, as I believe a good laugh can make your day. Indeed, laughter is truly a healthy exercise.

Thus, let me share with you some of the jokes I have collected and/or written in my previous Tag-lish Journal, “Ang Buhay nga Naman”, some of which were originally written in Tagalog, and I endeavor to translate them in English for your reading pleasure.

Sayings about Future

There’s this saying in the Philippines: “Ang taong hindi marunong lumingon sa pinang-galingan hindi raw makararating sa paroronan.” Mali, kung wala lang pamasahe. [“One who never looks back from his beginning will never get to his destination”. False, only if you don’t have the money to pay the fare.]

“Samantala, ang taong lumalakad kadalasan ay walang pamasahe”. Hindi bat tama?" [More often than not, one who walks has no money to pay the fare. Is it not correct?]

“Noong student pa lang what he needs is “pamasahe”, now that he has a job, he needs “pa-masahe”. ["When still a student he needs allowance to pay his “fare"; now that with a job, what he need is a "massage".]

Five (5) Ways to get Rich

This is interesting and here the tips:

1. You born with it. - Yes some are very lucky to be born with a golden spoon. But if you didn’t, there is nothing to worry because there are 4 more ways. 

2. You work for it. – This is challenging and rewarding - to reap the fruits of your labor. But if your salary is not that much, why not try the 3 other ways available. 

3. You can marry it. – You can find a spouse, who is rich and old and will die soon. Otherwise, you may try below.

4. You can win it. Yes you can bet in the Lotto and if lucky you could be a millionaire! Just make sure you have the money to bet. And lastly, 

5. You steal it. Only as a last resort but don’t get me wrong, it is not advisable, illegal and punishable by law if you got caught! You may end up in jail, nevertheless, it is full board and lodging plus free massage!

Who has the higher Rank?

For the couple who has the higher rank? Basically it depends in the scope of works assigned and decision-making roles.

Of course it is the Husband who is the “General” - a person of great importance huh? Reason, he is the one making the general decisions – for example, he decides what the main dish for the day or who will wash the dishes thereafter.

What about the Wife? She is just a “Major”! Do you think it is lower in rank? No, because she’s the one who make the major decisions all the time!

Japanese Lesson!

You want more? How do you say it in Japanese? Simple: "Isapane".

Mother's Milk

Breast milk best for babies and for daddies too!

The Fashion Before & the Next Trend

Filipinos are known for being conservative especially in their clothing. In the early days, Filipinas were conservatively clothed and their skirts’ length are up to their heels (floor length)! At that time, it would be indecent showing the legs in public. Thus everything is covered and not much skin can be seen. It would not be even right for a boyfriend to see the legs of his girlfriend; otherwise he would be held responsible.

But as the time passed by, the practice has changed, as well as the fashion. The trend was that, little by little, the length of the female skirts have been shortened. Initially, the skirts were tailored below the knee, called the "maxi". Later on, it was shortened just by the knee and called "midi". The boys liven up, I mean delighted with the developments.

As the years go by, the skirts’ length was shortened further and the fashion was called "mini", which is already above the knee, the “mini” turned to "mini-mini", and then "micro-mini". Finally, the most awaited, the "bikini" was accepted.

And you know my friends, what would be the next trend this millennium? It is simpler since there will be no more bikinis just "ini” [just it, nothing else]! So watch out closely….. LOL!

In the Accounting profession, I think it is called “Adequate Disclosure”.

Which style of skirt’s slit catches attention?

What is the meaning when the slit of the woman’s skirt is in the back? "Hey, Man follow me."

What if the slit of the skirt is on the side? "Hey, Man please escort me."

Finally, what about if the slit of the skirt is in the front? "Hey Man grab me!"

Answering Machines

The following are pretty unique recorded automatic telephone replies, in real life. 

"My wife and I cannot come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.”

"Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a "sexy" message, I'll call sooner!"

Consent is Vital

I remember this story about a law professor defining "Rape" case during a criminal law subject, under the laws of the Philippines.

"If a man had sex with a woman who is a minor with or without her consent it is Rape! 

Also, if a man had sex with a woman who is of a major age without her consent it is Rape!

However, if a man had sex with a woman who is of a major age with her Consent then it’s ‘Merry Christmas’. It feels good to do it again!

It is better to give than to receive

Yes, a few sleeps and it’s Christmas again. It is the time to give love and presents, and surely it is better to give than to receive.

The rule, however, does not apply in the military. Because if it does “You’re dead! Nonetheless, in the spirit of Christmas there is always a cease-fire during the Yuletide period. 

Traditionally, Christmas for Filipinos is a family event. During this time, relatives visit each other and for sure many are expecting Christmas gifts, especially from those who arrive from abroad. Well it is OK since it only occurs once a year.

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas and a Prosperous New Year!

BLMabeza is fond of reading and sharing jokes.